


There is a Light That Never Goes Out

by SmolSirius



Category: In the Flesh (TV)
Genre: Implied/Referenced Drug Use, this is probably going to get angsty
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-12-09
Updated: 2015-12-09
Packaged: 2018-05-05 21:36:54
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,115
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5391287
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SmolSirius/pseuds/SmolSirius
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is a fic all about Simon's life before he died. This is all based on my personal headcanons, since there is little canon about Simon's life. The fic starts when Simon is 23 and living in New York.</p>
            </blockquote>





	There is a Light That Never Goes Out

_…I'll be seeing you, in every lovely summer’s day, in everything that’s light and gay, I’ll always think of you that way…_

 

Simon’s eyes opened slowly, blinking against the light coming in from the curtained windows. Still laying on his back he glanced around trying to remember where he is before a familiar voice greeted him. 

“Oh good, you’re awake!” a young woman with almost white blond hair said from her place at a small vanity table, “I was about to come check your breathing and make sure you were still alive.”

“Aw come on Jeane, I couldn’t die and leave your beautiful face here all alone!” Simon replied with a small smile playing on his lips.

Jeane smiled back before looking around the small room she had inhabited for almost a year. Her green eyes seemed to be going from flat surface to flat surface, looking for something.

“Ben left you a note and I seemed to have misplaced it,” Jeane said absentmindedly as she kept scanning the room. “This room is the size of a suitcase and I can never find anything.” 

Simon sat up from his place on her small day bed, rubbing the groggy feeling from his eyes. He glanced around to look for the small clock in the room but found that the hour hand had stopped.

“Is there any reason you’ve been coming into my room a lot lately?” Jeane asked, sitting back down at her vanity table, having given up on finding Ben’s note.

“Rule number one, never get high alone.” Simon replied, leaning his back against the wall the day bed was pressed up against.

“I know you need someone with you to make sure you don’t overdose jackass, I’m not an idiot.” Jeane said rolling her eyes.

“Then why’d you ask?” Simon replied a bit confused at her intention.

“You and Ben ok?” she replied, revealing her motives

Simon sighed heavily and looked at Jeane. She knew the answer to her own question, he knew the answer to her question, and hell Ben knew the answer to the question.

“Yes Jeane a relationship built on a foundation made of teenage sex and angst and reinforced with drug addiction is incredibly strong” Simon replied sarcastically, running a hand through his dark hair.

“You don’t love him anymore.” Jeane said suddenly with a tone that made Simon unsure as to whether she was asking a question or making a statement.

“Mum always said he wasn’t good for me. She said he would drag me down and ruin what I had going for me.” Simon replied, carefully avoiding what she had just said.

“Smart lady.”

“He…He didn’t ruin me Jeane.”

“He made you drop out of university, move to New York with him, and got you addicted to Heroine.”

“I decided to drop out of university, I liked the idea of moving to New York, and I was the one who accepted the needle.”

“Simon…”

 “Fuck Jeane, what do you want from me?”

“I want you to be honest with me, I won’t tell him anything you say to me.”

Simon looked at her and sighed. He knew he wouldn’t be able to avoid this conversation for much longer

“I wouldn’t go as far to say that I don’t love him anymore. I think a part of me will always love him, we’ve been through so much shit together.”

“But…?”

“But?”

“Simon come on, you’re allowed to not love him anymore.”

“Jeane when we were teenagers, all we had was each other.”

“You’re not teenagers anymore, you’re both 23, the past is the past.” Jeane said with a sigh, “I don’t want you to get stuck on him for the rest of the life.”

“You know what? Fine, I hate having sex with him, it seems like a chore, I can’t look at him anymore and the only things holding us together are the drugs and the fear of being alone.” Simon snapped harshly at her.

“That’s all I wanted.” Jeane said quietly. 

“Well there you fucking got it.” Simon said as he stood up from her day bed abruptly. 

“Simon…Come back.” Jeane called for him as he stormed out of her room.

Simon walked out into the landing and turned to go into his and Ben’s room. He stood in the doorway and looked at their small one room. The bed shoved up against the wall under the one wide window was way too small for the two of them (considering the fact that the only thing happening in it as of late of was sleeping, there was no real space issue anymore), there were mugs filled with ice cold coffee and long burnt out cigarettes drowned in them scattered around the room, and books stacked were everywhere on any flat surface available. Ben had always said that the books were a waste of money but Simon had always loved reading, it had fueled his desire to be an English major and now it he liked to think it kept his mind sharp even through the constant drug use. To be honest he was afraid of losing his intelligence and his ability to create and argue his opinions.

But that was beside the point, he had come in to get his coat and get out before Jeane decided to come after him. He grabbed his coat and did just that, walked out of his room and past Jeane’s room as well as the other rooms of the floor. He hurried down the three flights of wide stairs and out into the brisk cold of the city street. A walk was all needed, some time in the cold to wake him up and let him think. To think about what he was going to say to Ben, if anything, and what he was going to say to Jeane. Things seemed to be very confusing these days and Simon needed something, but he didn’t know what that something was. A nice long walk would do him some good.

Simon had been walking for about 20 minutes when he had reached some conclusions. First, he needed to go back to the apartment (if you could even call it that) and apologize to Jeane; she was just trying to help. Second, he and Ben needed to have a talk, he was wasn’t sure what would happen during that talk but something needed to be changed. Third, he desperately needed change, New York was great but it was starting to get cold and if they got evicted again he didn’t want to be out on the streets in winter. He took a deep breath and turned around to walk back “home”.

 

 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> This was a little shorter than I wanted it to be but i thought it came to a natural stopping point. The next chapter will be Simon's conversations with Jeane and Ben, and the chapters after this one should be longer than this one. Any feedback would be greatly appreciated!


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